5 Love Languages for Self

Cup of Tea

Sep 15

The discussion of love languages has turned into the “what’s your favorite color” of dating conversations now and I love to see it! Let’s continue to dig deep past surface level in dating and dig deeper to understand each other, we all need support systems whether we want to believe it or not! If you aren’t familiar with the 5 love languages, don’t fret they are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Gifts. It’s okay if you don’t know your love languages you can take the quiz here, for people who are single or are in a relationship and you can also have your kids take the quiz (9-12 and teenagers)!! If we’re being honest and transparent how much better off would our kids be if we loved them in a way that they are receptive to?! So I encourage all parents to take the time to learn the love languages of their kids, as well! Now back to ourselves…

As we age and evolve we tend to notice the importance of learning deeper parts of other people but how do we learn the deeper parts of ourselves; how do we “date” ourselves and, learn to appreciate our new thoughts, appreciations, curves, and any and everything that comes with that and past that! We can and have to learn to apply our love languages to ourselves! Here are different ideas for us to love ourselves on a deeper level and learn to give ourselves what we need when we need and want it to be able to show up in the world in our full capacity!!

Words of Affirmation is expressing verbal compliments or words of praise and appreciation. To show yourself words of affirmation create an accomplishment/compliment jar (compliments & accomplishments from yourself or others that you’re proud of and that made you feel happy or loved) anytime you want and/or need to hear something good about yourself crack open that jar! Listen to your favorite podcasts that make you feel good about yourself, turn up your favorite playlist or album (if you’re not good at making playlist ask your friends to make you a playlist or send you songs that reminds them of you), daily affirmations, create a vision board and look at your board everyday and begin to manifest and pray over the things you have on that board (followed with action of course because we know faith without deeds is…DEAD - James 2:17).

Quality Time is giving someone your undivided & focused attention. Show yourself quality time by coloring, reading, and/or writing; for the people with kids schedule your kids arts & crafts, reading & writing time at the same time or if you prefer your solo time schedule it around their nap or school/homework time and if you have a partner be sure to make time in your schedule for you so that you can show up for you partner as your whole & complete self! Go to the park or beach (have lunch or dinner depending on Day Lights Savings time lol, ppl watch), create a date jar (come up date ideas for yourself; remember to push your boundaries and try new things and explore the evolution of yourself), prayer/meditation (this is actually imperative! Be sure to at least take 10 mins of your day to bask in silence and create a space for God to show up, since January 2021 I have made it a habit to start my days with prayer & meditation before I open a computer), take a bath (with wine of course lol) create a space to allow yourself patience and grace for whatever it it you’re beating yourself up about, even if you don’t realize it, take a deep breath sis you deserve it!!

Physical Touch is feeling affection through physical touch. Show yourself physical touch by having a spa day (get a manicure, pedicure, massage, and/or facial), masturbate (I know the Mothers of the church are clutching their pearls but as our good sis Jazmine Sullivan told us via Heaux Tales we’re all hoes and we all do and have done some tricking in our lives), cuddle with a big pillow or bear, stretch/workout/yoga; if you already regularly workout schedule a group workout with your friends or find a group workout in your city, dance; you know that playlist from “words of affirmation” yea turn that up and dance the night away in your mirror or find a local dance studio and take a class, lingerie; who says we can’t get sexy and feel sexy for ourselves?! Get fine fine and even give yourself a little photoshoot.

Acts of Service is completing tasks and/or actions to show your love. Schedule a deep cleaning for your home and laundry; I hear once you have someone do your laundry for you there’s no turning back lol, create a bucket list (if you don’t have one) and start knocking some of those experiences off of your list, unapologetically do what you’ve been wanting to do and it doesn’t have to be a “big” bucket list item but whatever it is make sure that you’re completely and fully you while you’re doing it, volunteer; be of service to someone else and pay attention to the love and joy you feel by helping someone.

Receiving gifts is gifts are a symbol of love and affection. Buy yourself plants/flowers, order a monthly subscription box, take a trip you’ve been wanting to, buy something you’ve been putting off because you’ve been prioritizing others over yourself. Treat yourself!!

You are important so it’s time to start making sure that you know that and taking time to check in with yourself and love yourself like you would someone else. Try some of the things mentioned above because it’s worth becoming the best version of yourself. You deserve love!

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